I thought we’d be friends now. I never imagined the forever kind for us, but I never thought it would end this soon.
I feel sorry to say that the reason is you, your ego.
It might sound defensive, harsh, bitter and also as if I am not taking responsibility for this mess.
But I am.I said certain things, that shouldn’t be said. I was angry, pissed that our friendship mattered more to me than you. That I was the only one trying to work it out. It was always me who reached out, went on about things.
I understand you were not in a good place, you had your problems. You needed support. I tried. I tried being supportive.
That’s just it, the fight we had. It was because I was worried about you, how you were not doing enough to get out of a bad situation. I wish I could shake you to stop being so delusional and take action to make change in life. It was because I was worried about you, I experienced that life isn’t as rose colored as you imagined. I tried to make you understand, but you never listened. I tried being supportive, but not the ‘say yes for everything ‘ kind. I needed to be honest.
I am a tough love kind of person, honest – sometimes that comes off as too strong. I was only truly honest with you because I considered you that important for me to be so with you.
I should’ve known, some people don’t like to hear truth. Some people like people to say things they want to hear and not how they really are. I forgot. That in my book not a real friend. That’s what I ever wanted to be – a good friend. Maybe my approach was all wrong, but the intent was right.
Dear friend, it’s because of this fight that I know life goes on.I tried getting in touch with you multiple times after the fight to talk things out. You never answered. That was it. We didn’t contact for months, and my life remained the same. I thought of you, I was angry, hurt, and missed you.
I never heard from you, you didn’t even bother setting things right, talking it out – even if it meant ending our friendship. I believe we were good enough friends to warrant that. Apparently not.
See that time in between, my life went on as normal as if nothing had happened. That’s when I realised that maybe this friendship didn’t contribute as much as I thought. It didn’t nurture my life. That realisation was the beginning of letting you go.
We met of course after few months. It didn’t go well. The thing is I reached out to you later, when I was calm. Because I wanted to give one last shot, put my ego aside and try to fix it like an adult. If it didn’t work out, that was ok, I would know I did my best to keep this going. I wanted you to say that we are okay or we can’t be friends. The finality seemed better than the negative feelings and bitterness bubbling up. We spoke, we patched up.
Or so I thought.
Sometimes people don’t care, you didn’t. Things were the same, even after “the talk” , I hoped you would show up but you didn’t. It was the same again, me trying to keep this friendship.
It is clear to me that you don’t care, not enough to put your big ego aside. I had heard it from others before, that you cut people off when you feel like it, you had an “attitude”. I thought it was just something people say about each other, nothing real. Apparently not, I didn’t think I’d be at the end of it. It hurt.
But you see, I deserve better. I am done, with putting my ‘ego’ aside to accommodate you. I am done trying to make this work. Who am I kidding, you couldn’t even be an adult about this.
We might meet on some odd occasion but know this, it will be on surface, only politeness and civility. I won’t be going out of my way to keep you in my life.
I am done, I am ready to move on to better friendships, people who try and are ready to keep working on their friendships. People who are ready for my honesty. People who know to put their egos aside.
People who care.
So this is just me telling you I am letting you go. I am done being emotionally invested in you or this friendship. I am done for good.
I really hope you have a good life. I hope you go on to achieve everything you wanted to and have a happy life.
Take care xx