Mavis Gary: It’s really difficult for me to be happy. And then for other people it just seems so simple. I know. They just grow up and they’re so fulfilled.
— Young Adult(film)
If you not watched this movie, you just need to! And no this post is not a review.
That dialogue, these words when I heard them it just clicked. It’s true a movie can help you find yourself. If it does that it sure has done something right. And this movie surely did. It’s an underrated gem.
Mavis is not the typical female character but the words uttered by her just got the message home, it made sense, I could feel the words, and I knew those words hold true for me. An induced epiphany of sorts.
I was always a thoughtful kid, quiet. I wasn’t the usually fussy,stubborn, weeping one. I was cheerful, in fact when I look back, childhood was the happiest time of my life. Am sure many do say that, but the thing is they say their lives, adult lives are happy too. The thing is I don’t know at which point exactly that happy cheerful kid turned into an adult who is surprised by her own laughter.
I hear myself laugh, and I think “well… that’s been a while” . That’s sad!
I have bouts of happiness. Short bursts of them mostly overshadowed by boredom, sadness, worry and sometimes just life.
Am not sure about the “happy life” idea, but it’s surprising that most of my life is not filled of happy moments. The first thing that comes to mind is maybe I should find a solution to what’s making me miserable but it’s not that.
Logically thinking, I have it far better than most others (and am not bragging), I am not struggling to meet ends meet or any such things, I have some great people in my life. Sure all those things are there. But I know this, I am struggling with myself. With who I am.
As Mavis says, for other people being happy is so simple. It rings true, so true. I find that difficult.
Those words changed my life, in that moment, I don’t know the extent of that.
I find it difficult to be so cheerful day in and out. I don’t know how to reach for it.
Or even if I know, I don’t think I’ll be successful at trying for it.
Happiness worries me. The belly laughter worries me.
It worries me that tomorrow , I may not be this happy.
I know, live in the moment stupid!
But am not a moment sort of person. I just go along, with my brain marinating in various moods of mine. It silly,frustrating and downright pessimistic.
The paradox is I am forever hopeful, and decently optimistic.
I am not depressed.
Happiness, feeling it is sometimes difficult. Shiny happy people, make me even more critical of their happy state and eventually mine. It surprises me that most people go through life with that state of mind. It’s great.
I hope for it of course. Right now getting there needs work.
you gotta read these!
- fish of gold
- code for confession
- to breathe is to write
- rachel’s rebellion
- a happy weirdo
- tangled up in daydreams
- becoming aussie
- the lone she wolf
- never stationary
- i am a mystery to myself